Refusing to Die in NOLA

Okay, so I am currently enjoying the AAD Conference in New Orleans. Let me restate I am enjoying the conference, but NOT New Orleans. There are many reasons, but let me just boil it down to one really gross point . . . Bourbon Street. Bourbon Street is like the asshole on the body that is New Orleans. It is utterly gag worthy. Where else do they hose the streets off each morning to clean the puke off???? Yeah, I’m sure you now get it.

Anyway, we (Bronwyn Greene, Jessica Jarman, Kris Norris, Jennifer Armintrout, Mia Watts, and a bunch of other people) were walking to a place called Huck Finns this morning when it began to thunder. Did I mention the weather has been majorly suck level? Well it has so once again it’s raining. I pop up my umbrella, but I notice the lightning that is accompanying the thunder so this is when I make the request of my bestie Jessica Jarman.

If I get struck by lightning and die do not, DO NOT let them bury me in this .cesspool of the universe. Her reply, “Yeah, dude, you won’t be buried. It’s all above ground crypts.” *sigh* So literal is my friend Jessica. “Okay, whatever,” is my pithy reply, “but don’t let me be stuck here. I never ever want to be stuck here. Make sure I get home. No matter how you gotta do it. Make sure my body gets back to Kentucky.”

Now I’d been to New Orleans before, but I just don’t remember it being this nasty. Of course, we didn’t stay on Bourbon Street and perhaps that’s why I don’t recall it being this yuck. I think we spent a total of a half an hour on the street before my friend Jennifer (not Armintrout) and I called it quits. We were hard core party people back then and we didn’t like it. So now that I’m a tad bit older and spend most of my nights at home writing I really don’t go out.

To end this story, Jess did promise to see me home and make sure I’m cremated. Of course, we survived the storm and I’m back in the hotel. But after walking in the puddles with open-toed shoes I am so going to get a major shot of anti-biotics when I get home.

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