Top 10: Things that make me cranky

09-Top 10_ Things That Make Me Cranky

Thankfully, we held this to 10 because, believe me, with everything that goes on in the world it could take me days to list all the stuff that pisses me off. As always, this is in no particular order since a number of these vie for #1 at any time. And, hey, if you want tell me what pisses you off, it only seems right you get to share too.

1 Our government – especially the idiot that pretends to be president. The man lies like a flipping rug and really expects everyone to believe him. Now I know there are people who do, and if you’re one, I’m sorry, but quit being so damn gullible. He lies about shit that there’s proof that shows he’s lying. I’m truly afraid he’s going to get us blown up.

2 Privileged white men – yep they piss me off big time. The ones who commit horrible crimes and yet are treated like special princesses like the guy who killed the people in the African American church and the cops stopped to get him food on the way to jail. WTF??!! If he’d have been a person of color there would have been no food, hell I doubt he could have eaten it since I’m sure the cops would have beat him.

3 Men who commit sexual assault – there’s a special place in hell for these guys. Plus anyone who covers for them needs to go down too. Oh and let’s not forget the judges who give some of these asshats (white guys) a pass because “it only happened once and we don’t want to ruin his life”.

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As a survivor of sexual assault I can honestly say, I don’t give a good rat’s ass how “ruined” these fuckers are. They deserve to be ruined. They chose to sexually assault someone, no one forced them to, so yeah they deserve the harshest of harsh punishments

*deep breath* Oooookay, wow, that was a hot button topic for me. Anyway

4 People who can’t drive the speed limit. If the sign says 65 please do it. If you can’t, get out of the fast lane! Enough said

5 People who go to the self-check out  lane, but don’t know what the hell they’re doing. O_O Really? If you need that much help go to where they check you out. Do not stand at a station for over twenty minutes trying to ring stuff up so that the attendant has to come and help you constantly. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about and have felt this pain.

6 People who do not take care of their kids. You made the decision to have them. They didn’t beg you, you chose. It is now your responsibility. As my mom always said, “Once you have kids, they come first. End of story. You don’t get to go and do things even if you want to since you now have kids. Grow up.” My mama filled with wisdom.

7 This leads me to the ever present weeping whiny kids. I’m not talking about babies. Or even tiny toddlers. I’m talking about the kids more than old enough to know better. I saw a kid the other day, I bet he was 7 or so. Weeping and whining because he wanted his parents to get him something. Mom and dad ignored and tried to placate. Can I tell you what said mama from the line above would have done if that was me? Oh yeah, we would have left and I’d have gotten it when I got home. Of course, I don’t just blame the kids for this behavior. The parents had a hand in it. If you tell a child that they cannot have something when they go to the store then get them something when they cry you are creating the behavior. So everyone involved needs to go sit in time out.

8 People who steal from others. I’m not just talking about the ones who break into your house, which they deserve to burst into flames. I’m talking about the people who steal entire book plots, songs, movie ideas and try to pass them off as their own. WTF?! once again. If you cannot write without stealing someone else’s work then don’t write. Stop. You are taking someone’s hard work and acting as though you did it. How? How do you live with yourself?? And, if you claim you did it first, came up with it first, just stop that too. No you didn’t. I always know if a song hits big someone is going to pop out that swears he or she wrote the song first. Riiiiiight

9 Political commercials. I think that pretty much says it all.

10 . . . how can we be to 10 already? Damn, apparently there are tons of things that really piss me off. Go figure. Okay, so the 10th thing that pops into my head are the panhandlers that hang out at traffic lights begging for money. I know, very well, some of them, a very few, may be legitimate, but for the most part they’re scammers. I know one guy who shows up at the same freeway exit every day. Then one day he popped up with some girl and a dog. The dog was to get sympathy, but let me tell you the dog was clean and well fed. There was another guy who did this until one of the news channels caught him getting into a really nice car at the end of the day.  So, yeah, fake. The ones who really piss me off the most are the people who claim they are veterans. The news chased one of these guys too until he had to finally admit he wasn’t a veteran. Yuck!

Wow, so there you have it, the top 10 things that make me cranky, piss me off, and make me want to kick a trashcan over. Check out what makes the other bloggers cranky and let me know what ticks you off big time.

Jessica    Bronwyn

 

 

Need the Sun to Break

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This month our song is one of my very favorites. It’s James Bay’s Need the Sun to Break. If you haven’t heard it . . . well you are so missing out, let me tell you. So, click this link to listen to the song:

As soon as I thought at the song, one of my favorite couples popped into my head: Spencer and Cara. My bad boy biker and his PdD. So, here they are:

 

“Spencer, can you come out and talk to someone? She had an appointment with Chad and, of course, he didn’t bother to tell anyone he’d booked it.”

Spencer looked up from cleaning his station and stared at Deanne. Part of him, a huge part wanted to tell her where she could tell the customer to stick her appointment. In fact, why hadn’t Deanne done it herself? Fucking Chad. The guy was useless and now he wasn’t only useless, but still causing problems. He knew he couldn’t have her blow off the customer. It was his shop and, as owner, had to take responsibility.

“I’ll be out in a minute.” He knew he sounded pissed, but couldn’t help it. The day had been going so well too. He’d finished all his appointments and was actually thinking of taking off early.

“Be nice,” Deanne whisper hissed at him. “Chad might have been a total bag of dicks, but that’s not Cara’s problem.”

Right, he thought, so it was his problem. He stepped out into the customer waiting area to find his cousin Deacon and Deanne laughing and talking with someone. The woman looking at the art on the wall turned and smiled at him. Spencer’s heart did a weird flip and he couldn’t quite catch his breath. What the fuck? He really wanted to open his mouth and say something, but he couldn’t manage to do anything, but stand and stare.

She was stunning. Long blonde hair pulled off a small delicate face with huge blue eyes and lips, shit her lips were incredibly. He could imagine himself kissing those lips for days. Sucking on them and teasing them with his tongue.

“Spencer this is Cara.” Deanne’s voice clawed into his brain. “She’s a friend of Holly’s. Cara, this is Spencer. He owns the place.”

The woman stepped up and held out her hand. “Hello, I’ve heard so much about you.”

Spencer forced himself to breath and took her hand. It was small and soft in his large callused grip and he briefly wondered what her hand would feel like stroking his cock. Forcing his mind away from that thought, he cleared his throat.

“So, Deanne said you had an appointment.”

Yeah, great job asshole. You sound like you can’t string two words together. Get it together.

“Holly recommended your shop and somebody booked me with Chad. This was only going to be a consult, but now I find out he’s not here.”

“Chad doesn’t work here anymore,” Spencer said, not wanting to add that the fuckhole had tried to steal from him. Yeah, Spencer put a stop to that.

Deacon shook his head. “That asshole. Good riddance. You’re lucky you don’t have to deal with him.”

“Is there a way I can talk to someone else or maybe make another appointment? I’ve never done this before so I really don’t know it works.”

“I can try and clear my calendar,” Deacon said.

“No,” Spencer found himself saying. “why don’t you come back to my station and we can talk.” He glanced over his shoulder at Deanne. “Hold my calls.”

Yeah, okay, he really shouldn’t do this. His calendar was booked close to six months out, but he couldn’t let this woman leave. Wouldn’t let her leave. Even though she was so far out of his league it was like she lived on another planet. None of that stopped him. He wanted to sit and talk to her. Breath her in, since she smelled so fucking good. And, why did it seem that Deacon and Deanne knew her? He knew he would have remembered meeting her.

“So, do you have ideas about the kind of tattoo you want?” he asked, forcing his brain back into business mode.

“I wasn’t sure how this worked, so I brought some pictures with me.” She pulled a sheath of papers out of her purse and laid them on the table between them. “I don’t know if someone copied them. I wasn’t sure.”

He opened the papers and found a mixture of photo copies and scribbled drawings. Not very good scribbled drawings.

“Did you do these?”

She blushed and nodded. “It’s horrible, I know.”

“What’s it supposed to be?” He hated to ask her, but his four-year-old nephew’s art was better.

“It was my attempt at drawing snapdragons. Deanne suggested it might be better to bring pictures so I printed those out.”

“Snapdragons?”

“Yes, I love them and they mean new beginnings. I thought it would be appropriate since I just graduated and am getting ready to start a new job.”

Graduated? Spencer almost cursed out loud. There was no way she could be only twenty-two, right? Fuck, if she was then she was definitely not someone he could get involved with. He was thirty-four and couldn’t imagine being with someone twelve years his junior.

“So, what did you major in?” he asked.

“Major? Oh, no,” she said, smiling again. “I just finished my Ph.D. in mathematics.”

Ph.D. Yeah, she was way, way, way out of his league. Somehow though, he didn’t care. He wanted to get to know this woman so much better.

 

Now head over to read what Bronwyn, Jessica and Kris wrote to go with the song.

 

Familiar Face

PromptlyPenned

Welcome!! Our prompt this month is awesome. I’ve been waiting for it very impatiently. Instead of it being dialogue or a few lines, it’s actually a situation we’re writing to. The prompt says: You’re in an interrogation room. A man walks in and throws a bunch of photographs on the table in front of you. The photos are old and taken at different points in history. You’re in each one. He demands to know who you are.

So, here we go:

 

Detective Jason Davis walked into the interrogation room and stared hard at the man sitting at the table. He didn’t know his name, but he certainly knew his face. High cheek bones, up-tilted eyes, long patrician nose, and full lips. Shit, no, not full lips. Couldn’t think of him like that. He was a suspect . . . or something. Jason just didn’t know quite what yet.

The man looked up and raised one eye brow. Green. The man had pure green eyes. The pictures hadn’t shown that. It also hadn’t shown the bronze skin and white gold hair. Worn longer, Jason thought, unlike the pictures.

“So, are you going to tell me why I’m here or am I supposed the guess?”

The man’s rich baritone filled the room and it took everything in Jason to stop the shiver. Gritting his teeth, he tossed the small stack of images on the table so they spilled across the surface. The man didn’t look at them, but continued to watch Jason.

“Would you care to explain?” Jason asked.

Carefully, the man spread the images out so he could, presumably, study each one. He didn’t betray anything as he looked each picture over then calmly moved it aside. He did this until all eleven pictures were back in a small stack.

“They’re old photos.”

Jason wondered if the accent he had was fake. If almost sounded like the Wakandan accent from Black Panther, but he wouldn’t swear to it. Instead of asking, Jason sat across from the man who had captured his interest almost a year ago. Was it legal for him to bring the guy into interrogation? Probably not. Jason really didn’t have any proof he’d committed a crime. He just knew something was off. Way off.

“The first photo was taken about 1842,” Jason said. “The last about twenty years ago. So, Mr. Jackson, can you explain to me, how you’re in every single picture.”

“Kael,” he finally spoke. “My name is Kael.”

“I don’t see that in any records I have.:

Jason shuffled through the paperwork in front of him, knowing that name wasn’t in any of it. He knew because he had done extensive research on the man across from him. Extensive? Okay, obsessive. He’d done obsessive research. It was as if he couldn’t stop himself. There was something about the man that Jason found compelling. Every time he told himself to stop. To put it away. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t. No matter what, Jason had to know, to understand.

Kael folded his massive arms and leaned back in the chair. The piece of furniture groaned audibly, but the man sitting in it didn’t seem to notice or care.

“You have nothing to hold me,” he finally spoke. “I haven’t committed a crime.”

He rose to go, but Jason shot his hand out to grip the man’s wrist. The first thing he noticed was the jolt he received from touching Kael. Jason knew it wasn’t physical, per se, like a lightning strike, but emotional. He immediately got hard. And that never happened. He was an adult male and had control over his body. This man though . . .

Looking down he saw his dark skin next to Kael’s much lighter bronze hue and wondered if he was that color all over. Fuck, he had to stop.

Kael didn’t shake his arm off. Instead, he placed his hand over Jason’s and it was as if Kael had grabbed his cock. Shit, it took everything he had not to moan.

Kael smiled and retook his seat. Jason wasn’t sure what the man had seen . . . sensed, whatever, but Jason was glad he stayed. Because he was right. Jason didn’t have a damn thing to hold him. Hell, if anyone found out he’d asked this man to come in and used the interrogation room he’d probably be fired.

“The pictures,” Kael said. “How did you find them?”

“This one is from my mom’s side of the family.” Saying this, Jason pulled an image from 1885 out of the stack. He knew all about it. He’d studied it as for years. The picture had hung from his grandmother’s wall and Jason was captivated the first time he’d seen it. The image wasn’t anything special, just four white men standing in place dressed in suits. Jason’s grandfather was the second from the left. An unassuming man in a suit. He wasn’t who captured Jason’s attention. It was the man at the far right. The tall, built man with the cheekbones and mouth who had captured his attention. His imagination. His daydreams and, as a boy, wet dreams. Now, here he sat, bigger than life.

“I wanted to know who the men were,” Jason finally said. “So, I did research. And the more I dug, the more I wanted to know. It took me about ten years, but I found all the pictures and now here you are. In the flesh.”

Kael smiled. “Here I am. And you’re curious?”

“Yes.”

“No one will believe anything I tell you.”

“I don’t care. I don’t care about anyone else.”

Kael leaned forward and grasped Jason’s wrists in his hands. “There are things in this world that you’re safer not knowing. Though, since you made it this far, I can assume you won’t stop.”

Jason didn’t say anything, but just watched Kael and waited. He had to know.

Finally, Kael nodded. “For millennium, evil has tried to gain an advantage on this planet. It wants humans, needs humans. And, for millennium, those of us who oppose the dark fight. Not all the time. In fact, the last major battle was perhaps four or five thousand years ago. After that have been skirmishes, but nothing major. That’s changed. Evil is rising.”

“That still doesn’t explain the pictures. You.”

Kael nodded. “Yes, it does. I’m a vampire and I have lived for thousands of years fighting the dark.” Saying this, the man opened his mouth and his incisors grew into fangs. Jason blinked his eyes and tried to pull away, but Kael held him.

“Evil is coming Jason. My sire is rising and all I can think about is how delicious you smell. And how very much I want to drink from your vein and fuck you.”

 

Bronwyn     Jessica    Kris    Siobhan

 

August Apocalypse

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Destroyed tenement house

Welcome to September’s photo prompt. Hopefully, you’ll like the very short piece I wrote for the above image. It was literally the first idea that popped into my head so I went with it.

 

Dark clouds hung low as a haze blanketed the area. Crumbling buildings and abandoned cars were all she could see. She wasn’t sure what had caused the devastation, but she knew she wasn’t safe. She eased out from the shattered window of a diner and searched the area. They were coming. She knew that. They always came and when they did she would run. Damn, she was so sick of running. Over and over. Maybe this time everything would be right then she could rest. She hoped so.

Seeing movement, she darted from her hiding place and ran down the dust strewn street. They were coming and they were fast. Hideous shambling caricatures of people who should be dead, but weren’t. They never were, not in this place.

Glancing over her shoulder, she saw one gaining and screamed. And screaming she began to weep.

“Please, please,” she yelled as she tripped over nothing.

She rolled to her back as the first zombie was on her. She kicked out, just catching him on the shin. Instead of staggering back, he screamed and clutched his leg, falling to the ground.

What the fuck!

“Cut!” a voice yelled out.

Kelly rolled her eyes, as the director rushed across the fake street, in the fake burned out city.

“What the hell is your problem?” he yelled at the zombie.

“She kicked me.”

“I didn’t kick him that hard,” she said, scrambling up off the ground. “Fuck, I barely touched him. He acts like I broke his leg.”

“Reset,” the director yelled then turned to the sobbing zombie. “We’re on take fifteen and you can’t even run down the street. What is your problem.”

As the two began to argue, Kelly moved to the side and grabbed a water. It was going to be a very long day.

 

Now go see how Bronwyn, Jessica, Siobhan, and Kris handled the picture.

Promptly Penned – August 2018 Edition

PromptlyPenned

Last month I wrote a short piece about Shay and Josie. This month I decided to use them again since the prompt is so awesome and totally reminds me of the two women. Hope you enjoy it. Oh and the prompt is in bold in the flash.

 

Shay limped through the darkened woods as she picked leaves out of her hair. The week had gone from shit to totally fucked up. Check out fake haunted house, no problem. Instead, the home owners hadn’t waited for them to show up and had employed a “ghost hunting” team. Dumb fucks. All of them. The home owners for not waiting and the Ghost Dusters or whatever they called themselves for somehow opening a portal into another dimension. A dimension with demons. Demons who had come right on in, slaughtered everyone in the house, and left.

Fuck. The agency had scrambled the major teams, but Shay knew it wasn’t going to do any good. The demons were strong, far stronger than anything they had faced before. And, now, for some reason, humans were helping the demons. Double fuck.

She didn’t realize she’d spoken aloud until Josie said, “You know you should be a little more thankful. I saved your life back there.”

Shay stopped and stared at her best friend “You pushed me off a cliff.”

“Don’t be a baby. It was just a little cliff.”

She rolled her eyes ad started walking again. Josie jogged to keep up with her.

“Why would humans help those things?”

Shay shrugged. “Why do humans do anything? Most of them are self-centered fuck heads who only care about themselves. They think they’re special. I’m sure the demons promised them all kinds of stuff.”

“Now what? We both know nothing we or anyone else does is going to stop this. We’re just not strong enough.”

“Obviously, since I didn’t fly when you shoved me off a cliff.”

“Oh my gosh, are you going to keep harping on that.”

Shay thought for a long moment. “Yes, I believe I am. Or, at least, until I can shove you off a cliff.”

“Quit being a baby. This is serious.”

“So is me dying from a fall from a cliff.”

The two women walked in silence as the sun began to set. The trees threw odd shadows around them and it took everything in Shay to stop a shiver. There was nothing out there. Both of their senses as well as Josie’s gadgets would have sounded an alarm. Still she was afraid and it wasn’t a feeling she was used to. They’d never come across something they couldn’t handle. This time, though, this time it was so far beyond their pay grade it wasn’t funny.

“We need help,” Shay said.

“Dude, two demons devoured the top team at the agency. We don’t have anyone to call. Unless you know Aquaman and Batman personally. And if you do, I call Jason Momoa.”

“In your dreams, Jason Momoa is mine. You owe me for throwing me off a cliff.”

“I did not throw you, drama queen, I gave you a small push. To save your stupid life. Next time I won’t bother.”

“Yes, you will, you love me, I’m your best friend.”

“So, who’s helping us?” Josie prompted.

“I’m not sure. We need to send out a calling and hope we get an answer.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Shay stopped and stared at the woman who was closer than a sister. They shared everything with each other, everything but Shay’s family.

“I come from an unbroken line of powerful witches. I can trace my ancestors back to the Picts in Scotland.”

Josie stared at her for a long moment and burst into laughter. “Oh my gosh, you almost had me. Powerful witches. Yeah, so who, Samantha Stevens? Can you fly on a broom?”

Shay placed her hands on her hips and stared at her best friend. Stared until Josie stopped laughing. Stared until Josie looked away.

“You’re serious?”

Shay nodded. “And this is why I never told you. There was no point. My family is gone. I’m the last of the line. My mother died before fully training me. But, right now, I can’t think of anything else.”

Josie nodded. “Okay, so what do we do?”

Now go and check out my friend Bronwyn‘s flash.

 

 

If you could indulge in anything, without consequence, what would it be?

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Welcome once again to the randomness that is Wednesday. This week the questions is really something I had to think about. I mean, there’s a lot of ways to think about indulgence without consequence. Eating chocolate. Drinking. Not going to work. The possibilities were endless.

So, after much thought, I decided that if money were no object, which to me is indulging without consequence, then I would travel. And if you know anything about me, you know the very first place I’d head would be Hadrian’s Wall in Scotland.

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There’s just something about it. I can’t explain it, but I need to touch it.

Another place I’d visit is Chalice Well in Britain

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Garden, thought to be Avalon, magic. What’s not to love. And, it’s right near the Glastonbury To. Hello! Convergence of magical energy. I want to be there.

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The next place I’d go is The Alhambra in Spain. This was another place I discovered as a kid. I found a book at the library and have wanted to go here. It’s not as big a draw as Hadrian’s Wall, but the place is gorgeous.

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If I ever get the chance to have a “money is no object” life, I’ll post tons of pics when I go traveling. Until then, I’ll just keep dreaming and writing.

 

Bronwyn      Jessica

June 2018 Photo Flash Fiction

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Welcome to June!! The year is half way over already. Jeez louise, it’s crazy how the time is flying by. So, as it is the first Monday of June we have a new flash fiction piece based on a photo. Here’s the photo:

Country Glamor

I love this picture so much and, in fact, it reminds me of a friend of mine. I hope that all of you like the flash:

The Photograph

Jenna nervously entered the large gallery space and slowly scanned the crowd. The large crowd. She didn’t understand why so many people were there for a student art show. Her stomach did a flip and she breathed deep trying to calm her nerves. The stress was stupid, really, it wasn’t like her entire livelihood depended on the show. Hell, it was for a class. That was it. And yet she couldn’t convince her stomach of that.

Signing up for the class had really been a spur of the moment decision. The class she wanted to take was filled and she had to have three more credit hours to ensure she graduated in the spring. Tossing caution to the wind, she’d registered for the introduction to photography class. How hard could it be? Take some pictures, go to class, and voilà she’d be closer to graduation. She hadn’t counted on the original professor taking ill and the university bringing in a celebrated artist, Cherie Madison. Even Jenna had known who she was, and she knew nothing about art.

What she thought of as an easy grade, had become work. Hard work. She’d actually considered dropping but knew she couldn’t. She wouldn’t get her money back and she wouldn’t graduate. So, she’d stuck it out and found that she actually enjoyed it. Oh, she had no misguided thoughts that the class made her any kind of professional, but she learned that taking a picture was harder than anyone imagined.

Their final project had been a self-portrait. How easy. People took selfies all the time. Not Jenna. She hated having her picture taken. In fact, once she’d been out of elementary school, she’d refused to have any more class pictures taken. Her parents had cajoled, threatened, and begged, but Jenna had stood firm. She hated how she looked in or out of pictures and, yet, she had to take one for her final grade.

Cherie had told them the picture must be a reflection of who they really were. The image must show the truth of their soul. Jenna figured the only way she could do that is if she turned in a blurry image since she constantly dodged when a camera came out. She’d gotten extremely good at knowing where the camera was and disappearing. Unfortunately, that wasn’t an option for the class.

Jenna slowly made her way into gallery and eased along the wall. The first image she came too made her stomach flip and she felt as if she wanted to hurl. The picture was black and white and showed a girl artfully arranged on the floor. Her hair spread out around her and her nakedness was barely covered with a thin piece of material. Shit, this was so far away from what Jenna had done it wasn’t funny.

Okay, she told herself, no big deal. The girl in the picture imagined herself as some kind of bohemian avant-garde artist. Of course, her picture would be moody and black and white. No big deal. And, yet, the farther Jenna moved into the space the more black and white moody pictures she saw. Her classmates had used filters and photo effects that looked as though they should be in some kind of art book and not hanging in a student art exhibit.

By the time, she rounded the corner to her own work, Jenna was close to tears. Her piece was nothing at all like the others. The picture she had turned in was in color. She’d worn her favorite white sundress. The one that she didn’t dare wear out in public, since it was cut pretty low in the front. She’d found a wide brown belt to try to accent her waist and had worn knee high, lace up brown boots. Then she’d gone out to her grandparent’s farm.

There was no weird lighting or effects. Oh, hell no, she’d just set up the camera on a tri-pod and taken shots of herself around the farm. The picture she’d chosen to turn in had been one that she’d taken as a joke. She’d leaned against a fence with one arm outstretched and the other against the back of her neck. She’d thought of it as a goddess pose. Her eyes closed and face turned to the side. She imagined she looked sexy as hell, especially after a few glasses of wine.

Riding high on the feeling, she’d turned that shot in. Now, looking at it stone cold sober she wished she could shrivel up. The girl in the image wasn’t a goddess. She was an overweight girl flopped against a fence. Jenna wanted to turn and run, but her feet stayed rooted to the spot. She now understood how someone could be paralyzed with fear.

A person stepped up next to her and it took effort for her to turn her head. Cherie Madison smiled and put her arm around Jenna’s shoulders.

“I was terrified at my first show too,” the woman said.

Jenna couldn’t answer. She had nothing to say. Not even if someone paid her money could she have formed a coherent sentence.

“I love your piece.”

Jenna stared at her and turned back to the image.

“Why?” she blurted out. “It’s not . . .” she trailed away.

“Like everyone else’s?” Cherie asked. “Jenna who said the photos had to look alike? Who said they had to be arty? I know I didn’t. My request of you all was to take a picture that reflected your true self. You did that. You were the only one who did that.”

“I don’t understand,” Jenna said, finally able to come up with a coherent sentence.

“I highly doubt the images your classmates turned in reflected anything about themselves. It may show how they want to be seen. Or how they imagine they are. But not who they really are. This picture is you. It’s beautiful and fun and vibrant.”

Jenna turned back to the picture and really looked at it. She forced herself to forget how much she hated having her own picture taken. She shoved aside the constant thoughts that entered her head every time she looked at herself in the mirror. Instead, she concentrated on what had made her turn the photo in to begin with.

“Do you see?” Cherie asked.

Jenna slowly nodded her head and whispered. “I imagined myself as a goddess.”

“I can see it. You did an amazing job.”

For the first time that evening, Jenna smiled. “Yeah, I did.”

 

Bronwyn     Siobhan

 

 

 

 

Top 10: Insecurities

05-Top 10_ Insecurities

Hello and welcome to the randomness that is Wednesday. Wow, this topic is intense. Who the hell picks these things??? I need to tell you my top 10 insecurities? Shit, it’s going to take forever to whittle down the list to just 10. Huh, or maybe it’s just the top 10 insecurities I like to use in my writing? Yeah, I’m sure it’s not that.

Let’s see if I can get to 10 before I quit and crawl into my blanket fort with a book and a glass of wine.  As always, these are in no kind of order.

  1. I won’t be able to ever write again. This is a huge insecurity and it’s dogged me my entire life. Now, has it ever happened? Not really, though I’m still struggling to finish Entangled.  It’s not that I’m not working on the book, it’s the fact that I need to keep making adjustments because it’s just not right.

2. I’ll be 85 and asking people if they want fries with that. Truly, unless you are really wealthy the idea of a huge retirement savings is never going to happen. I have a retirement account, but it’s not nearly what it should be. Hence the worry.

3. My eyes will get so bad I can’t read. I know, what a random worry, but it actually happened to my mom. She also had tons wrong with her eyes too, but this is still a worry of mine. I can’t imagine not being able to read. Or knit or embroider or write or the millions of other things I do.

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4. I’ll end up alone. I’m sure this is a worry that many people have, but it’s one of my huge deal things I fret over.

5. I replay stupid shit I’ve done or said all the way back to when I was a kid. I know, crazy, but yeah I do it. I also know this is fairly common, but it doesn’t make it any easier.

6. The feeling that I’ve let someone down or made a major mistake. This will tie me into knots and I have a huge stress response with this. Like I can’t eat, sleep, and end up physically sick. I also get heart palpitations and feel like I can’t breathe.

7. Even at my age, I often don’t feel like a grown-up. In fact, I will look around to see if there’s a more grownup grownup around than me. I think this goes back to the sexual abuse I suffered as a kid. Sometimes, if the situation is intense I just don’t feel old enough or mature enough to handle whatever it is.

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8. If people really knew me, they wouldn’t like me. And, this is funny since I don’t put on a new persona when I go out. I’m me, all the time. So, if you don’t like it then there’s nothing I can do for you. This also feeds into no one likes me. This especially happens at work, which is kind of funny since I really only have a few people I’ve connected with. See, weirdness.

9. I’m totally insecure about my weight. I’ve fought it all my life. I’ve been as small as 130 pounds and as large as . . . well I am right now. No matter what’s I’ve weighed or looked like I always find some flaw. Once again, I know this is fairly common, especially with women.

10. Finally, I’m insecure about where I am in life especially at my age. I often think I should be more financially secure or have an amazing relationship or have kids. This is kind of funny since I never wanted kids, ever. I still don’t want kids, but it’s one of those milestones that other women have crossed. So, since I haven’t, then there must be something wrong. I’ve also never been married. Once again, not something I wanted, but it’s another milestone.

So, there they are. Some of my insecurities. If you would like to share some of your own, please feel free.

Bronwyn

Songs that Represent Each Decade of My Life

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Welcome to the randomness that is Wednesday. Today our amazing question is: If each decade of your life was represented by a song, what would it be? Wow! That’s a tough one since I love music so much. I guess I could go in a few different directions with this but I think I will give you the song that I remember/loved the most from each decade.

Here goes:

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This to me was really the defining decade as far a music went. When the 70s first rolled around I was so little, so I don’t remember much. But as the decade went on, my musical tastes changed so quickly. I went from the boy singers like Leif Garrett to really good music such as Led Zeppelin and Bob Seger. I think the song that sticks out the most though, was my very first crush Tony DeFranco and the DeFranco family. I’ve talked about him before in a previous post, but here’s the song (the only song) I remember from them.

 

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I rolled into high school in the 80s and the band that I loved, at the beginning anyway, was Journey. I know, but when you’re 15 they’re the shit. Anyway, I collected all their albums (yes vinyl) and when they went on tour to support Escape I was allowed to see them. Talk about excited. My friend Sherry and I got to go and we were so excited. I still really like this song.

 

1990S

By the 1990s, I was working and going to college. I made some really great friends during this time and most weekends were spent out at the dance clubs. So. Much. Fun. I went to New Orleans and danced on a bar. Hey, the bartender offered free drinks. I also attended my last really big concert. Yeah, I’m an introvert so I hate crowds. Going to concerts is a major overload so I go to see the people who matter. When Nine Inch Nails announced they were touring to support The Downward Spiral album I instantly got a ticket.

 

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The 2000s is when I began to teach. To say that my music choices were a bit angry is putting it mildly. I think I needed the driving, screeching music to get me through. My band was Disturbed and their song Down with the Sickness was the bomb (still is in fact). I have the CD and would often play it as I drove to work. LOL! Yeah, I know. I also heard a lot of music at the school dances. Most of the music wasn’t what I listened to, but I did learn the Soulja Boy dance. Yeah, I know that too. When you teach in an elementary school you do what you have to.

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Now we’re up to the last few years. I can’t really tell you what song I’d pick. I don’t really have a group that stands out for me. I can’t even remember the last CD I purchased. Hmmm, maybe Lindsey Stirling. I really like her. And I love the song Hold My Heart, which features ZZ Ward on vocals. Amazing

There are songs that make me turn the radio up like Ed Sheeran’s Shape Of You, but nothing that really stands out huge for me. Perhaps if we do this again, I’ll have something more to share. Hopefully, you liked all the songs I shared with you.

Bronwyn    Kris     Siobhan